Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Do The Math

I failed Algebra. In fact, I failed so badly my teacher, Mr. Rand, advised my mother never to let me take math again. He said he’d give me a barely passing grade because there was no point in taking it over. Just keep me out of math classes. The following year I got straight A’s all the way through in Geometry. Don’t tell me revenge isn’t sweet.

Nevertheless, math is not a subject I care about. One of the happier days of my life was the day I went on line with my banking account. No more trying to keep a balance in my checkbook. No more reconciling the bank statement. Yes! Free at last!

And that brings me to the topic of the day…my five children. Fabulous people, to say the least. I adore my kids and the even more fabulous kids they begat. But, I have to say…they are still keeping me busy. Four of the five live in town, and I don’t have to tell you what that means.

So recently I’ve been thinking…it takes about 2 minutes (if you are having a really good time) to beget a kid. And that means a grand total of 10 minutes to beget this bunch. And then I decided I needed to know just how many minutes I had spent on the planet, involved with the little darlings. I whipped out my handy little calculator and did the math.

1. There are 1,440 minutes in a day.

2. There are 10,080 minutes in a week

3. Then that means there are 524,160 minutes in a year.

4. So I’m now 79. That makes a total of 41,408,640 total minutes in my life.

5. But you have to subtract the time I spent not making babies, my first 24 years,
which comes to a total of 12,579,840 minutes.

6. That makes a total of 28,882,800 child bearing and caring minutes.

7. If you subtract the above number from the total life minutes you get 55 years,
which is the age of my oldest child. That’s the proof of the equation. (I think)

8. Now, go ahead and subtract the 10 minutes it took to make em, from the amount of
time I’ve spent caring for them…Grand Total 28,882,790 Mom Minutes.
(I did that one in my head.)

Wow. That’s a lotta minutes for a 10 minute trip. But hey, it was worth it. And take that, Mr. What-Do-You-Know Rand

Sunday, July 4, 2010

The Seductive Chef Does Dessert

Well. Now that my extraordinary gifted youngest daughter has built me a great new web site, I suppose that means I need to keep up with my blogging. I am so proud of her, and I am so glad I let her live. To which she smartly retorts, I ought to be glad she didn’t run away. We may both have a point.

So far it’s been a steamy summer…hotter than the hinges on gates of Hell, and when it rains (rarely) the humidity will curl the hair on a bald man. Which, in a twisted sort of way that only I understand, leads me to the recipe I’m giving to you. It’s perfect for the hottest day, but not hot to make. Enjoy. And when you go to my web site, which I certainly hope you do…be sure to check out the links. The gate of Hell is there for your amazement and amusement. Seriously.

The Seductive Chef Does Dessert

After All, What Else Is There, Really?

It is the Chef’s humble opinion that there may well be no chocolate in heaven, it being made up of happy souls who have left their chewing apparatus behind. At least for the foreseeable future. So, says the chef, stoke up now while the getting is good. While it may not be cool to devour sweets twice a day, one should have at least a little something once a week. Or maybe twice. If nobody is looking. The trick, then, is to not stand in front of the mirror while scarfing down an entire box of candy.

The S.C. has a good friend who is also a chef who says that if you have a really good bread and a really good dessert, the rest of the meal can be sort of nondescript, nobody will remember. And since nearly everybody loves ice cream, the following recipe will please even the pickiest person. Like your kid(s).

CINNAMON ICE CREAM
1 gallon best quality vanilla ice cream. The chef uses the best because she hates to pay for air, which is what the cheap stuff is full of. (I already know you are not supposed to end a sentence with a preposition, but I’m a writer…I get poetic license)
Put the ice cream in a large bowl and let it soften at room temperature. Keep an eye on it; you do not want it to melt, just soften. Stir it from time to time mixing what has melted around the outside into the firmer stuff in the middle. It should be like the soft frozen yogurt cones we enjoy on hot summer nights. When it is ready blend in 4 ½ tablespoons ground cinnamon. Taste, see if you’d like it better with a little more or if it suits you as is. There are no rules here, just remember, after it is frozen again, the flavor will not be quite as strong. Pour it back into the container it came in or into a big baggie and put it in the freezer towards the back. (Where it’s colder, that’s why.) Let it refreeze at least 6 hours. Overnight is better.

AND TO PUT IT ON OR TO PUT ON IT
Put a big scoop of the ice cream on top of a yummy brownie still warm from the oven, (throw the mix box away), and pour a generous dollop of hot fudge sauce over the whole thing. Or top an apple pie slice with the ice cream. Or try a peach cobbler. Of course, there’s always fresh fruit, too. Yum!
Buy the already made frozen pie or cobbler, and just before you pop it in the oven brush the top with a little milk (use your fingers if you don’t have a pastry brush, nobody will ever know)and then sprinkle it generously with sugar. If you feel like splurging, buy the “raw sugar,” it makes a really crunchy top. Stand back and enjoy the compliments. You deserve them.

Sunday, March 21, 2010

By this time of the year everyone has had it with the weather. Every little bud on a tree or bush, every little spring flower peeping through is cause for celebration. And what better way to celebrate than with a beautiful tea party?
Did you know that the late afternoon tea party was invented by a very annoyed and very hungry English Duchess in 1840? Well, you will now. Anna, Duchess of Bedford was tired of nothing to eat until the dinner hour, which in those days wasn’t until around eight o’clock. After a fashionable early breakfast, and equally fashionable light lunch, Anna was ravenous by five o’clock.

One particular afternoon she’d had it. She was hungry! So she had the kitchen staff whup her up a couple of dainty little sandwiches and, oh, yes, while they were at it, bring along some of that nice cake leftover from last night.
Anna enjoyed her late afternoon pick-me-up so much that she started inviting a few close friends over to share in the fun. Since they were all on the same fashionable mealtime schedule too, I don’t suppose many of them turned her down.
Lo and behold, the Tea Party was born. Out of desperation, like so many other great inventions. And now…some 160 years later, the tea party has made a comeback. Tea is the hot new drink. (OK, I admit it. Pun intended) In my humble opinion there is nothing quite like a good hot cup of Earl Grey to put your back on your feet late in the afternoon. The English have always known it. But after we turned the Boston Harbor into tea soup Americans quit imbibing. Mostly out of spite. But that was then, and this is now, and now there is every reason to enjoy again The Duchess of Bedford’s excellent idea.

A tea party can be as elaborate or as simple as you wish. If you are the only one invited, brew a cuppa, add a buttered-white-bread-with-a-few-thin-slices-of-cucumber sandwich, add two cookies and there you are! A pleasant break in the day. Or go all out and invite a few friends to share in the fun.
Here are some tea rules you should know. Even if you don’t follow them, at least no one can accuse you of ignorance.
Use a nice china teacup and saucer, mugs are tacky. Use milk, not cream, if you like your tea milky. Use cloth napkins…paper towels are real bad form. You do not need to crook your little finger, honey. That’s an affectation, and you do not want to accused of being prissy.

Scones are very nice with a cup of tea, but nowadays you can buy lovely ones in all sorts of flavors ready to warm up and enjoy. I know this is about cooking, but I also know just how far you are willing to go.
However…there are some lovely little things you cannot buy…and those I’ll pass on to you. Here is a small selection of tea sandwiches…yummy bites of this and that. And so easy to make.
Curried Chicken Salad

4 chicken breasts, cooked in canned chicken stock, cooled and diced.
¼ cup med sized apple, diced, or in the summer diced nectarines are fabulous!
¼ cup dried sweetened cranberries, cut in half
½ cup small red pepper, diced
6 green onions, sliced, green tops and all
¼ cup white raisins
¼ cup slivered almonds

Mix with:

1 cup Salad Dressing, not mayo
1/3 cup raspberry vinegar
2 tablespoons cider vinegar
2 ½ tablespoons sugar
3 tablespoons hot (as in spicy, not heated) Spice Islands curry powder

Spread on thin sliced white or one of the multi-grain breads with nuts (remember, no crusts) and cut in cute little triangles.

Veggie Tea Sandwiches

Cut circles out of one of the ten or twelve grain breads, generously butter both sides, top with thin slices of cucumber, and some with thin slices of red edged radishes. Yummy!

Cream Cheese and Olive Finger Sandwiches

1 eight ounce package of cream cheese (the real stuff please) soften to spreading consistency with a few teaspoons of the brine in a jar of pimento stuffed olives. Twenty (or so) pimento stuffed olives, sliced. Mix the sliced olives with the softened cream cheese and spread on slices of wheat bread. Cut in cute little fingers. This is soooo good you will also enjoy it for regular sandwiches. Or on a big fat bagel.


Ham and Asparagus Roll –Ups

1 stick of butter (the real stuff!) softened
4 ounces of cream cheese, softened

Blend the cream cheese and butter together

Blanch about 24 stalks of asparagus in rapidly boiling water until just crispy tender…this only takes a few seconds. Rinse immediately with cold water to stop the cooking.

24 slices of honey baked ham from the deli or the pre-packaged kind is fine
24 slices Pepperidge Farm Extra Thin Sandwich Bread. Trim the crusts off the bread, then roll each slice a rolling pin to flatten it. Spread those flattened out little slices with the cream cheese mixture, top with a slice of ham, trimmed to fit, and place a stalk of asparagus on one edge. Roll it up and place seam side down on a tray. Do not allow your family to see these, because they will eat them all before your guests arrive.

Ginnie Bivona is the author of Ida Mae Tutweiler and the Traveling Tea Party as well as Notes From A Chameleon, Sort Of A Memoir and The Seductive Chef, A Cookbook & More For Lovers. She is available for book reviews, tea parties and other fun stuff. Check out her web site (designed by her ever-so-clever darling youngest daughter) www.ginniebivona.com

Sunday, January 10, 2010

January Blog....And Letter to Friends

Well, the party is over. And it’s reality time again. Darn it! I don’t know about you…but I had a fabulous Christmas. Lolling about on a glamorous cruise ship in the big middle of the Caribbean Sea, meeting amazing people, reading a 1012 page book (Ken Follett’s World Without End) with nothing else to do but eat, sleep, read, eat, and sit in the sun. Oh, yeah, and eat. It’s so relaxing they actually have to put a carpeting insert in the floor of the elevators to remind you what day it is! And did I work on the script? Um…well…no. I have plenty of excuses though, if you’d like to hear them.
Today is the 9th of January, it’s freezing outside (like 16 degrees) and my little office is worse than a tomb. The window leaks, frigid air is spilling over the window seat like a waterfall. Or should I say glacier? Yeah…it’s a glacier. I’ve stuffed towels and blankets all over the seat, and up onto the window, but it’s still c-c-c-oooold! So, the heck with it, I’m going to ignore it. That’s something I learned from my time sitting with a Buddhist group. If you cannot fix it, or change it, well then, focus your attention elsewhere.
I’ve had to learn to do that frequently in my life. From nagging little aches and pains, to giant problems that seem overwhelming and insolvable, I just focus my attention elsewhere. Right now I’m focusing on what I’m writing, and the cold (except while I’m writing about it) is not in my field of vision, if y’know what I mean.
Christmas required some of that focusing elsewhere thingy too. It’s was the first time ever in my entire life that I spent the holiday away from my family. For a sentimental mush like me that’s heavy. However, I suppose that being on a gigantic ship, with all the excitement and endless entertainment and thousands of people all around made the focusing my attention elsewhere pretty darn easy.
I wondered (OK, I’ll admit, only briefly) about the millions of lonely people who never have spent a holiday with loved ones, or even worse, once had loved ones and now they are gone away.
I don’t know how they deal with it, and I hope I never have to find out. My life is filled to the brim with family and friends, and I am deeply grateful for every single one of them. They make my life what it is.
Joyful, exciting, fulfilling, and definitely not boring. Who could ask for more? And may you, dear reader, have the new year turn out to be your best year ever.