Do The Math

I failed Algebra. In fact, I failed so badly my teacher, Mr. Rand, advised my mother never to let me take math again. He said he’d give me a barely passing grade because there was no point in taking it over. Just keep me out of math classes. The following year I got straight A’s all the way through in Geometry. Don’t tell me revenge isn’t sweet.

Nevertheless, math is not a subject I care about. One of the happier days of my life was the day I went on line with my banking account. No more trying to keep a balance in my checkbook. No more reconciling the bank statement. Yes! Free at last!

And that brings me to the topic of the day…my five children. Fabulous people, to say the least. I adore my kids and the even more fabulous kids they begat. But, I have to say…they are still keeping me busy. Four of the five live in town, and I don’t have to tell you what that means.

So recently I’ve been thinking…it takes about 2 minutes (if you are having a really good time) to beget a kid. And that means a grand total of 10 minutes to beget this bunch. And then I decided I needed to know just how many minutes I had spent on the planet, involved with the little darlings. I whipped out my handy little calculator and did the math.

1. There are 1,440 minutes in a day.

2. There are 10,080 minutes in a week

3. Then that means there are 524,160 minutes in a year.

4. So I’m now 79. That makes a total of 41,408,640 total minutes in my life.

5. But you have to subtract the time I spent not making babies, my first 24 years,
which comes to a total of 12,579,840 minutes.

6. That makes a total of 28,882,800 child bearing and caring minutes.

7. If you subtract the above number from the total life minutes you get 55 years,
which is the age of my oldest child. That’s the proof of the equation. (I think)

8. Now, go ahead and subtract the 10 minutes it took to make em, from the amount of
time I’ve spent caring for them…Grand Total 28,882,790 Mom Minutes.
(I did that one in my head.)

Wow. That’s a lotta minutes for a 10 minute trip. But hey, it was worth it. And take that, Mr. What-Do-You-Know Rand